we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
