is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
