my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
