Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
