At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The Olympian is in my bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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