Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
