Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
