He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
