Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
