Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
