I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
