I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
