Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize