I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want a musical about memes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Panties = found
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