my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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