I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
