If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
