woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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