I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize