Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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