I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
