well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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