I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize