doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
