I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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