ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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