I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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