everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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