you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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