Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
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I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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