she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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