It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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