And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
