Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
