Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
handjob tips. give me some.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
