I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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