what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
birth control should be required to get into college
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
