I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
