DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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