If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
