i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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