Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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