I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
