so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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