I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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