i don't plan on having that self control this summer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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