I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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