why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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