Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
