I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
