someone owes me an orgasm
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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