You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
