You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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