I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
