they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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