i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
