well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
