I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
