Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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