just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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