aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
