my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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