no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
