thus making me awesome and them whores
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
