Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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