I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
