Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
