Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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