quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
