She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
