the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
