Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
