Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
