I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
