Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
