I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
