Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
