yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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