i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
